Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
