look no pants
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
