I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
