sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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