Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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