I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
