omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sext me about skeletons
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
