she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
