did you get engaged???
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
