There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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