your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
