I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
