drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
