dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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