i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
