if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
