I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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