exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have feelings that need drinking.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
