Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
