Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
