just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
