the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
