remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dignity is for republicans.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
