we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
