i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
barbara walters just said penis...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
