we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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