yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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