i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
