At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
