she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
smell my finger.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
