tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
