So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
