Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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