Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
