ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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