Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
