I can tuck mytits in my pants
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
