sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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