Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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