They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
