Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
