We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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