Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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