dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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