It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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