I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
