What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
