so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
