I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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