While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
