the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
